Since his girlfriend died in the crash of Trans World AirlinesFlight 800, Anthony Worster has found a way to grieve daily withothers who lost loved ones in the disaster and ease the despair thathas consumed him for more than 10 weeks.
Three, four, sometimes five times a day, Worster accesses the"TWA Flight 800 Message Board" on the World Wide Web to mourn withfamilies and friends of other victims. In this cyberspace supportgroup, the bereaved post prayers and wistful poems, eulogize thedead, exchange information on the crash probe and read condolencesfrom well-wishers around the world.
Worster, 31, a paralegal who lives in Orono, Maine, said in aninterview that he turns to the message board during those momentswhen "I feel like I am going to erupt." In a recent posting, hepined for his girlfriend and described the wrenching ordeal oftrying to cope with her death.It was another sleepless night last night eventually givingway to dawnEven when I do sleep it still hurtsOh God I miss you so muchMy family and friends tell me I have to find some closureReality says yes but my heart cries noWhat I would give to see one more smile one more chance tohold you in my arms"It's therapeutic because I can vent," Worster said. Theelectronic message board "makes you realize you are not alone in theworld, that other people are going through this as well. It is sortof a second family to me. I don't know what I would do without it,"he said.Web sites like the Flight 800 one are part of a growing numberof support-oriented services springing up on the Internet. There areon-line suicide hot lines and pages for groups such as parents whosebabies have died of sudden infant death syndrome and those withAIDS.Funerals and memorial services have been held in cyberspace,and memorial sites on the Internet allow people to grieve usingtheir keyboards. The Web's sprawling reach has been particularlyuseful in the Flight 800 case because the 230 people killed in theJuly 17 crash off the Long Island coast were a geographicallydiverse group. The Web has enabled victims' relatives and friendsthroughout the United States to commiserate among themselves andwith counterparts in other countries such as France, where about 50of the people aboard the Paris-bound plane were residents."The Internet is becoming a new dimension, a new realm wherethe self-help movement can blossom," said John Suler, a clinicalpsychologist and professor at Rider College in Lawrenceville, N.J.,who specializes in group behavior on the Internet. "Pages like thisfollow a lot of the principles of group dynamics but in a virtualmedium in the sense there is no face-to-face encounter. It alsostretches the boundaries of time. For the group to survive, youdon't have to all be at the same place, at the same time."Although the Flight 800 page cannot duplicate an actualsupport group meeting or memorial service, those who visit the pagesay they are comforted by knowing it is available around the clockand that messages remain there indefinitely."If I wake up grieving at five in the morning and can't getback to sleep, I can read sentiments posted on the page or leave amessage of my own, crystallize some of my thoughts and not wakesomeone else," said Jeff Bohlin, whose daughter, Michelle, was oneof 16 high school students from Montoursville, Pa., killed in thecrash.From his Plainview, N.Y., office on the north shore of LongIsland, Fred Abelman, 23, set up the site to provide a forum forpeople distraught over the crash to express their feelings and helpthem come to terms with the tragedy. "It was a chance to assistthose in need and not get in the way of investigators," he said.Since it was put up several days after the disaster, themessage board -- which can be found using the Internet addresshttp://www.nystate.com/msgboard or search engines and links on newssites such as CNN's Web page -- has been accessed 6,600 times andreceived more than 400 postings."I think for some people this is an easier way to expressthemselves because when they are deep in grief they may not be ableto pick up the phone and call somebody," Abelman said. "The board isalso appealing because it is not intrusive. In a tragedy like this,you may not want to answer the phone and be bothered. But in thiscase, you are coming to read the information."The site's home page, which has been accessed more than 12,300times, also contains a Flight 800 passenger list and links toagencies investigating the crash, including the FBI and the Navy.There are also links to essays and poems on the disaster and amemorial page for the Montoursville students.The message board has been so popular that Abelman is settingup a chat room that will enable those affected by the disaster tohave live on-line discussions. When Abelman assured those using theboard that he had no plans to remove it, one person wrote back,"That makes my day. . . . You have made our lives a little easierand I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. . . . I willnever forget it."The brother of Jill Ann Ziemkiewicz, a flight attendant andmember of the Flight 800 crew, recently tapped into the messageboard to describe how excited his sister was to fly to Paris thatnight after working mostly on domestic routes in the short time shehad been with TWA."It's the place she wanted to fly to more than anywhere elseand see the Gardens of Versailles," Matthew Ziemkiewicz wrote."Sometimes I still don't believe what happened. Jill and I share aspecial brother and sister bond. I feel her everyday. Jill I MISSYOU and will always LOVE you!!!"Worster reached out. His girlfriend was not the only person hehad lost in his life. He too had a sister who was killed, six yearsago in a car accident."I know what you are going through. I lost my sister in 1990to a drunk driver and I lost a friend in Flight 800," he wrote."Whatever you do, if it feels like the pain is getting too heavy,reach out for help. It's not a sign of weakness if you do so."Well-wishers from a dozen nations -- and of all ages -- haveexpressed their condolences on the message board.One of those notes was written by a person named Assaf inJerusalem, who offered sympathies from himself and the otheremployees at the software company where he works."We in Israel have been through a lot of hard times with allthe conflicts around us and as a former soldier in the Israeli armywho lost {a} few of his friends in Lebanon I know there is nothingthat anyone can say that will make the blow less painful," he wrote."From us here . . . we want to send our love to all the families."Another came from 9-year-old Amanda Donahue."I will light a candle at my church and say a prayer foreveryone that was on the plane," her posting read.A Navy diver involved in the search for victims and wreckagefor five weeks posted a note describing the pride he felt being partof the Flight 800 salvage effort."This job really touched the deepest corners of my heart," hewrote. "What I really want to say is it was an honor for me to beable to recover the victims of this accident and return them totheir families for the proper burial they all deserve."Some have circulated conspiracy theories on the site,discussing whether the U.S. government is covering up the chancethat Flight 800 was downed by "friendly fire." Others, convincedthat a terrorist bomb caused the crash, called for swift reprisals.But overall, the message board has served as a refuge forfamilies and friends of the victims to reflect on their losses,cherish their memories and share their suffering."We buried Michelle in a small cemetery about two blocks fromour home. . . . Michelle and her grandmother were in the cemetery aweek before the crash, tending to our relatives' graves," Bohlinwrote in a note thanking those involved in the salvage effort andinvestigation. "As a younger child, Michelle rode her sled down thecemetery hill. When she was older, she and I cross-country skied inthe cemetery."Staff writer John Schwartz and researcher Bobbye Pratt contributedto this report.
No comments:
Post a Comment